Things I Never Thought I Would Say

As many if you know, gentle readers, I both home school and run a home daycare.  So there are always little ones in my house.  And when little ones band together in a tribe (that's what I call any group of three or more kids) they usually start doing some nutty things.  Even when its only my two kids, they often seem to be running in a world of upside down logic!

So yesterday, in catching myself asking a child  "Please, do not lick the fireplace.  I don't want to have to ask you again."  I realized that was something I would have never dreamed I would say before I had children.  Which led me to reflect on other strange and nutty things I have found myself uttering over the last almost five years of motherhood.  

Here for your reading enjoyment is a list of Things I Never Thought I Would Say (but have actually had to):

- "Putting our fingers in someone's eyes is not a greeting."

- "... Because its not polite to answer the door naked.... No, wearing one sock is not the same thing as being dressed."

- "Stop licking the pew."

- "We don't eat ANY of the gum we find. Even if it was stuck to a "clean" chair."

- "Superman does get cold.  You can wear your cape, but you have to wear your coat too."

- "Hooray!! You pooped!" (100% serious here.  If you're a parent you know where I am coming from!)

- "No, you cannot "try and see" if you can breathe underwater."

- "It doesn't matter if you say you don't care about gravity- it still applies."

- "Home decorating magazines are not called Lady Comics" (although, for the record, I don't think its a bad idea...)

- "What's the rule here, guys? Who can tell me? That's right! Hands out of pants at the table! So everyone, show me your hands...."

- "Fingers out of [insert body orifice name here]" 

- "You can wear it, honey.  But it doesn't really work like that- a band aid on your forehead doesn't really help a headache...."

- "Nothing smaller than your elbow should go in your ear!!" (My dad said this to us growing up all the time, and I found myself repeating it... suddenly it was wisdom)

-"Yes, you did put on your undies.  Thank you.  Lets put them on our bottom now....."

- "How would you like it if I peed on you?" 

- "The baby is not playing horsie. She is learning to crawl.  Get off her."

-"Trains are not weapons and will not be used as such in this house!"

- "I know you made it.  But you can't keep it- its poop!"

- "I'm glad you have confidence, but grocery store oranges are not how we learn to juggle"

- "Stop chewing on the Christmas tree"

- "And now you know that all the paint colors taste the same.... lets call this a learning moment."

- "I understand you asked for it, but I don't have crunchy yogurt!"

I am sure as days go on I will think of many more strange and funny things I have said that I wish I had added to this list.  But for now, I hope its brought a smile to your day.
I would love to hear some of the wacky things you have said to your kids!
Happy Thursday everyone!